Thank you....and some useless crap
Thank you all so very much for the heartfelt comments etc. that you shared in the post below. Even through this post I think that God has shown me how to better deal with this situation through all of your advice. So thanks again people and thanks for your honesty.
My body is sort of shutting down since I finished exams. It's been very difficult to sleep and I'm sick to my stomach a lot lately. I've been trying to stop drinking caffeinated beverages and it has been hard! I think during exams I drank about 13 cups of coffee a day. (and that is not an exaggeration, believe me) The first day was rough, but today (5 days later) I only had one caffeinated drink. I think I'm getting there. (For those of you who know me well, this is a pretty big deal)
In other news...it is only 26 days until Jer and I tie the knot. That is not long at all! Frankly, the process up to the wedding has been very stressful, especially with school at the same time. But I'm looking forward to being married. I really am. I still have to send our music package off to the DJ. (Oops...I was supposed to do that a couple of days ago) If anyone has any songs they think would be good to dance to then please PLEASE let me know in the comments section. This is proving to be a bit difficult for me with my eclectic musical tastes.
Speaking of music...Kirk has a great music quiz going on right now if you all want to check it out. It's good to have him back. I've missed his presence in the blog world. (Plus, I got three of the quotes on his quiz which I'm pleased with) He (and Jer) were a bit surprised that I got the one by Alice Cooper. Good old Wayne's World...
Blessings.
A continuing struggle...
Saying what I am about to say in this post is not an easy thing for me, so just keep that in mind as you read...
I know I just posted on the hockey thing (which actually doesn't seem important compared to this topic) but some comments that I wrote in the 'hairy vs hairless' post are working their way to something else.
This might be long, but it needs to be said...The last few weeks have been hard because God has brought something up that I've needed to deal with for years.
All my life, I've struggled with how I view myself. More on a physical level I suppose. For some reason, anything I do, I measure up to my physical appearance. (And I know that I'm not the only one who does this.) I was just writing a paper for one of my classes at University and I found a disturbing statistic: "85% of women would rather loose 10-15 pounds than achieve any other goal". That is very disturbing to me. Anything, any other goal and they (and honestly I) would rather loose weight than achieve it. Does that send alarm bells going in anyone else's heads here?
I wonder what society has told us that makes us believe that we are not acceptable as God made us. Ultimately I feel that it is a marketing strategy. Sure, it is important to be healthy, eat right, and exercise. But it shouldn't consume us to the point where we don't care about anything else. By making women (and I shouldn't rule out men either, yet I feel women are much more consumed by this) extremely concentrated on their appearance, it makes them buy product after product, and try program after program, diet after diet, to change how they look. (When in fact, sometimes you just have to be healthy and recognize that you will look however God made you.) Somehow we are not desirable, or important if we don't look 'attractive' by society's standards.
I've encountered this many times, among many people (even Christians) and it breaks my heart. (Both the critics of those who don't stand up, and the victims of such criticism) Sometimes people feel that they are doing you a favor by telling you that you're 'big' or 'chunky' or 'you'd be pretty if you just did...' But those comments seem to start a downward spiral which send me (and others) to question who I (we) am (are) on this basis. (Using physical appearance as my foundation rather than God). Regardless of where I hear comments from I'm always my worst critic. I take things that people say and twist them so that I feel that I'm not good enough and that I never will be. Much of this is my own response to society which is sinful and wrong and that God is dealing with on a regular basis.
This also effects how I act and feel around people who society considers 'attractive'. I tend to resent them even though they have done nothing to me but be what I have always desired for myself. It's a poisonous thing...it really is.
My whole life I've questioned God on this....saying things like, 'Why did you make me this way God? Why can't I look like (insert name here)? What can I do to make myself look better?' and nothing seems to work. (Probably because God is telling me that I'm more than a size, more than a physical image, but his child which is far more important than any of those other things. I wrote a song about this several years ago saying that 'the girl in the mirror wasn't good enough for me, but she's good enough for you (meaning God)' How much longer must we insult our Creator by telling Him that He didn't do a good job on us? He knows what He's doing....better than me, better than society...better than anyone.
And the wedding thing has brought this up too...We (Brides) put so much energy into looking physically attractive on our wedding days. We go through diets, rigorous exercise, whatever it takes to shrink or clear up our bodies and make them more 'perfect' for our 'perfect day'. But what about working on your heart? Isn't that more important than how you look? I think that's why God has brought this up within me, because he wants me to be the right person, not just pretty or pleasing to the eye. He wants me to be his creation preparing myself in
every way for my husband to be. The marriage relationship is so important that things like this cannot and should not cloud it. I want to be a good wife/mother/friend to Jeremy and the children we may or may not have, not a supermodel type. I want to be remembered for my character, not looks. Looks pass away, but a persons character and heart are what is truly important.
Let's take this knowledge that God has given us and live it out in the world. (The world that tells us that we need to be something that we aren't.) Let's show the world what it really means to accept all people regardless of their physical characteristics.
Proverbs 31: 30 & 31:
"Charm is deceptive, and beauty does not last; but a woman who fears the LORD will be greatly praised. Reward her for all she has done. Let her deeds publicly declare her praise."
And they are out...Crap.
Well, I came home last night to watch the OT (which was very short lived I might add) of the Calgary/Vancouver Game. I don't need to recap because it was too painful (sniff...sniff) but let's just say that there are a lot of happy Calgary fans out there. So, I guess that I'll cheer for Calgary against Detroit because they beat my team so they must be good enough. Jerome Iginla is quite the player. (Scoring two goals and assisting on the third in last nights 3-2 Overtime victory) It just sucks that there had to be injuries, suspentions, etc. for Vancouver. And why take a penalty in overtime??!!! How stupid is that? Anyway, in light of this series the hockey rants are done from now on in memory of the Canucks. (Well, unless I see something really amazing in one of the coming playoff games). Go all the way next year boys. (sniff)
Now all of you who are not into hockey can start reading again. Blessings.
Phew! Game 7 it is...and hairy vs. hairless
A little hockey rant from the desk of Rie...
I know that it is mostly Calgary fans out there, but I'm thanking my lucky stars that Vancouver (my fav team) is still in this thing. What a CRAZY game! Triple overtime! Haven't seen one of those in awhile. I seriously thought that the Flames would take it, but I guess we'll see what happens in game 7. They have been playing far better than I've seen them play in awhile. Mind you, it helps that Vancouver doesn't have Todd Bertuzzi or Dan Cloutier. That definitely works to their advantage.
So...I lie in wait hoping that my favorite team can get to the next round. (although I know that most of you are cheering for Calgary...including Jer) Yeah, that's the other crazy thing.
Jer...yes...Jer was watching hockey with me and actually found it interesting! At that moment I seriously thought that if I looked out my window I would see pigs fly.
In other news...you all seem pretty fascinated with man bags. Hmmm...I must say that I never thought he'd get that many people commenting on that. So here's my controversial issue (and I seriously want your comments on this):
I had some friends overseas who were married and they were totally against a woman shaving her legs or underarm hair. Any thoughts on that?
Blessings y'all.
Boy Am I Organized (plus femininity issues)
So I've decided lately that I'm just not organized enough to be as busy as I am and not get completely stressed out. Thus I have purchased some organizational tools (which raises a question I will ask in a second). I now have a day planner and a white board and I think I feel much better now. I'm not sure if it will help me or if I'll just know exactly what it is that I'm not getting done and still be disorganized about it. We'll see.
OK, here's the other thing. Summer time sucks for me cause I have so much "stuff" that I carry around. I think everyone can relate at least a little on this one. When you're wearing a winter jacket you have all kinds of pockets you can hide things in. Now I'm starting to walk around with no jacket and therefore no convenient pockets, and I now have a day planner that if I'm going to use I'm going to need with me (it also replaces my wallet... so it's kinda important). Girls have it easy, they can carry a purse and looking like a girl is a good thing. I think I've already decided to search for a "man bag" of some kind but my question is this: What criterea does a bag need to be classified as "manly". Things to consider would be size, colour, material, shape, basically everything. You're input would be much appreciated. Also feel free to call me a loser if it appears that my mind is slipping here. Later.
